Tidbit #3 – Details

We spent class today once again immersed in the minutia that is lyric editing. I wish I could more accurately describe to you the intense focus, enthusiasm, and downright thoughtfulness this group of kids brings to tweaking text. Imagine a small group of 2nd-5th grade kids sprawled out on a mat on a classroom floor, talking over each other in their enthusiasm for taking out one word here, and one line there, and changing ‘that is’ to ‘that’s’. Such was the mood in the room today during our 45-minute editing time. Here’s a peak into the before and after:

First draft text  = normal; Removed text = crossed out ;  Added text = italicized

Years and years ago, on one very peaceful day afternoon created made Raccoon

I wanted an something evil raccoon to test people’s choices my people

To test their wisdom

But he got too much power, too much will

I wanted to use him, for him to pay attention to me

But Raccoon has a mind of his own,

I wanted him to trick people

But he really went to far

But I wish this never happened

I, the spirit of Candyland, lost control

Years have passed, many have suffered

I, the spirit of Candyland, lost control

What do you think?

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